who am i talking to?

i'm running this race and not catching up.
shoelaces untied and
memories shadowing my mind
in the background with a rhythmatic beat
i've lost the step to.

i miss my sanity sometimes and i would like it back.

i have no idea how to run this past your mind
or even bring it up with a voice..
a casual glass of wine over dinner
or all night festival of words
overflowing their meaning with over used metaphors
and misrepresented advice shoved to help you feel better..
with a resulting factor of me feeling worse... and worse.. and worse so..

i mark this point on a wrist left untouched.
moments of spontaneity turned forevers not enough.
i'm not insane just a little over exhausted
and i pray for that moment i can run away
and never look back at you because i choose to..
not because i fear to.
i have no idea what to even think from here on out.
in the middle of this breakdown with no one to phone..
a friends turned off and his not even reaching dial tone,
for my fingers are smarter than my mind with a martini will allow.

am i not good enough?
are you not good enough?
are we not good enough for eachother?
and you have no idea.
but if you did have some idea things would be worse.

fuck your little quotes and irritating babble..
you fight with her because there is passion with her
and im too nice in the center.
a cookie far too sweet with a thrown out middle.
i miss my sanity i once owned..
you know, before you picked up that phone and reminded me of why i have no control, over my life.
love me or let me go.
i can't keep doing this.
who am i talking to again?
and the voice is mellow.